Don’t troll, don’t harass, be respectful. The op won’t think anything is funny, so don’t try.
Kid Fights
Kids feel the same way about people stealing their seats at lunch as adult drivers do when someone cuts line merging.
TV Tropes
You know how sometimes characters…have hands!?!?!?!?
Often, the most important character will have…a name!!!!
Subverted when the main character…doesn’t have a name.
Grammar
Ending a sentence with a preposition is the sort of thing up with which I shall put.
Coincidentally, you can look up English grammar. If you’ve got a question, or a couple formulations both feel right and you’re curious if there’s a rule, try looking up the answer in CMOS (Chicago Manual of Style). If one choice feels particularly better, clearer, demonstrates better character voice, etc. then use that. But if two choices feel about the same, CMOS might have a clear rule. At the very least, following the rule gives you cover when some pedant decides to interrupt.
Breakfast
I don’t like breakfast because I’m always in a hurry and don’t have time to make anything. So I get reasonably healthy stuff that doesn’t require prep.
Safeway-brand granola is terrible.
Eggs take forever to cook when you’re in a hurry, and then you have the pan. Boiling them takes longer, but cleaning the pan is trivial.
I don’t like toast.
Coffee is worth it.
(Some) Kids These Days
Know every word of the Barbie song by Aqua.
What have we done, fellow olds? What have we done?
Mithrandir
I am Gandalf, and Gandalf means Bladorthin!
Conservation Laws
Conservation of kindness: what you put in the world will largely stay in the world.
Conservation of anger: if your side gets angry, people who think you’re against them will get just as angry.
Job + School + Writing
Man, I’m running on fumes.
Sartorial Considerations
I need more excuses to wear suits.