FIFA

I see a lot more people talking about Americans suddenly caring about soccer than I see Americans suddenly caring about soccer.

Unity

Don’t be intimidate by the beard. I’m only wearing it to show I stand with Erebor against dragon imperialism.

Elves and prayers.

Tech Support

Dear Old People,

A human wrote that website, and he may be an idiot. Alternatively, she could be a moron. The website might just be garbage.

It might not be you. Website trouble doesn’t automatically mean you’re senile, demented, or too old to breathe. There are people who make these websites, and sometimes they do a bad job.

Love,

Your tech-savy son, nephew, neighbor, or guy you kinda know who comes over to plug things in differently every now and them.

Sunny

My brother’s girlfriend’s dog is a golden retriever, Sunny.

I think she lied on her resume. She barely retrieves. I throw a ball; she runs right past it. I throw a stick; she eats it. There is no retrieving.

We need to double check her references.